How did I get here?

I’ve had a few people ask me lately about how and why I’m so into fitness, so I figured I’d share a little bit of my fitness journey with you!

It certainly hasn’t always been an easy journey for me, even though it may appear that way. It all started 8 years ago when I was about 25 years old (yep, aged myself there lol). I actually had zero interest in working out whatsoever. I weighed about 100lbs at 5’4. Skinny was in, and besides, it wasn’t cool for girls to lift anyways. During my college years and after graduation, women just didn’t lift. The gym was filled with cardio bunnies and ab equipment. We didn’t dare step into the weight room, and we definitely didn’t want to build muscle. I trained abs, but had to calm down when I could actually see them. Gross!

Anyway, I was having some severe digestion issues. My stomach always hurt after every single meal. I normally had to lay down after eating breakfast because it would hurt me so badly. I had someone from work recommend that I visit her friend that was a trainer/nutrition coach at Lifetime Fitness. I was desperate, and I wanted to be pain-free, so I made an appointment to see her.

I walked into this huge gym to meet with Kate. Kate was extremely fit and super intense. She had me start on an elimination diet which included the most bland foods I’d ever eaten. I couldn’t use seasonings, sauces – nothing. I had to cut out Mountain Dew (WTF, I needed my caffeine though). I switched from 2-3 meals a day to 6. I had no idea how to cook anything besides microwaveable meals, so this was a huge adjustment for me. I also started shopping for healthier foods that were all organic with zero additives or preservatives.

And then she told me I was going to also join her workout groups 3-4 days a week. I bout fell off my chair laughing so hard. Yeah right, lady. I’m skinny what do I need that for? Honestly, I can admit now that I was skinny fat. I had no definition and zero strength. She was right, but I thought she was nuts.

I showed up for these classes expecting to goof off honestly. I felt weird and awkward. I wasn’t a very confident person anyway, and this was certainly out of my comfort zone. They were group classes and everyone seemed to know what they were doing. Kate and I fought each other constantly. She would push me mentally, yell at me, hell she’d even cuss at me and I would get angry. It improved my lifting, honestly. She said I was the only one that could handle it, and she was probably right. I showed up during the week, but I went crazy on the weekends. I didn’t workout. I didn’t meal prep. I binged on food and alcohol and got zero sleep for recovery. I’d come back to my Monday workouts completely drained, bloated and cranky. I drove Kate nuts!

It took me 3 months to see any kind of difference in my body. I’ll never forget it. I was running on the treadmill and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed I actually had a bicep muscle showing. As soon as I saw it, Kate came over and asked where that bicep came from. Something clicked in my head. Maybe this was worth my time? I guess this is working?

By then, I had become closer to the people in my workout group and everyone was getting more serious about their workouts and healthy lifestyles. We started to come in on our own on the weekends. We started to set goals for ourselves and build deeper friendships. I started to hit PR’s and actually think of myself as a strong woman! And being strong wasn’t a bad thing anymore. It was powerful, and sexy actually. I embraced my thicker legs and small boobs. I started to learn to love my body for what it was accomplishing, not just for how it looked. It was an incredible shift in my way of thinking and my feelings of self confidence. My stomach wasn’t hurting and I was eating a TON of food.

About a year and a half into training, I weighted 118lbs. I was eating 2,500 calories a day. Bacon. Carbs. It was at this point that I hurt my back. I could have easily let this destroy the life I spent the last year and a half creating, but I just couldn’t do that. After taking a month off and a dozen or so tests, I decided to get back at it pain or no pain (pain never went away honestly).

I had to completely switch around my training style. I had to leave the gym I was going to at the time and the friends I had made there. I was starting at ground zero it felt like, but I knew I could do it. After all, I had done it before. I went back to Lifetime and immediately the head trainer there asked me to join his group. It was then that I started to fall in love with bodybuilding. It was easier for me to take things slowly, and do slow and controlled movements while taking it easy on my back injury. In 2016, he asked me to compete. I felt like I had to experience it at least once. Competing brought me back down to my starting weight, and I wasn’t a big fan of the whole experience, but I’m glad I did it. Now, I’m focused on growth, mentally and physically. I have a healthy mindset around training, eating and rest. I still have fun, but also have fun training and growing stronger and bigger. Many years later I feel good about where I’m at and I’m happy with my training and results.

I guess I wanted to share all of this because I wanted people to know that just because you see someone that’s a regular at the gym, maybe they look pretty fit like they have it all together, that doesn’t mean it’s always been easy. Everyone has to start somewhere. I was a pain in the ass, didn’t take any of it seriously and didn’t see ANY changes for 3 months. I felt discouraged, I messed up a lot and I struggled. And that’s OK. We’ve all been there, but what’s important is that we START. If you’re just getting into it, I highly recommend getting a trainer or coach and being a part of a group either online, in person, or both. You feel less overwhelmed, you have the opportunity to learn so much, and the accountability it provides is unmatched.

If you have any questions about my experience or want to talk about yours, feel free to leave a comment or send me a DM on Instagram! Happy to chat!

Thanks for reading! XOXO

Devon

I am afraid…

That’s a pretty vulnerable statement to make, at least it is for me.

It took me a while to identify what emotion I was feeling exactly. After I babbled on for a few unbearable minutes, my counselor (yes I see one and it’s extremely helpful for me) asked her question again, “What emotion is this? Where is all of this coming from?”

Deep breath. I am afraid. I’m feeling fearful. This honestly made me tear up.

I’ve dealt with chronic pain for years now. It’s definitely no secret. My experience even inspired me to start this blog! Writing helps me clear my mind and organize all the thoughts in my head.

When my pain first started I refused to believe that it would ever be around for very long. That whole experience years ago seems rather blurry to me now. So many doctors using words like cancer, surgery, birth defects, brain surgery, malformations and scoliosis. Tests upon tests were performed. I hoped for a diagnosis, even if it meant I must undergo serious surgeries, just so I could have some answers. But no real, concrete answers ever came.

Years later I wanted to change my focus and get more determined. I decided that 2019 would be the year I finally take care of it. “I will make it go away for good,” I told myself. I was determined to do whatever I needed to do so that I didn’t have to rely on pain killers every day just to get out of bed. I found some more doctors with different specialties. I tried different types of therapy. I would literally do anything to get rid of this daily pain.

Lucky for me, I stumbled on a treatment called RPR or Reflexive Performance Reset. Only a handful of people in the U.S. are certified. Leave it up to me to find some voodoo magic that no one knows about! The difference? It worked. With this treatment, the pain actually went away completely for months at a time! So, what’s the catch? When the pain returns, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. And now it’s back for the second time.

No words can describe what something like this does to you not only physically, but mentally too. You don’t know when and if it’s going to return. You don’t know why it comes back and you don’t know if it will respond to treatment like it did in the past.

I’m sitting there with my counselor and it’s all coming out of me. All those fears and anxieties I keep hidden are escaping. I couldn’t control it.

What if treatment doesn’t work this time? What else could I do?

Should I try a stronger pain killer? Can we re-evaluate injections?

What if I take too much pain medication and damage my stomach and liver like last time?

What if I move somewhere and there’s no one there to do this therapy for me? Am I actually limited on where I can live because of this?

What if I have to choose between being pain free and the gym? The gym makes me more happy than most things in this world.

Did I take that time I was pain free for granted? Did I not appreciate it enough?

And definitely the worst realization and anxiety ridden thought of them all: I think I’m truly stuck with this for the rest of my life. What if it never completely goes away?

I’m asked to take a step back. Do these thoughts actually help my situation? Definitely not. In fact, I’m not problem solving at all. I’m responding to the situation with fear and anxiety, which in reality, will probably make the pain worse. I’m worrying about things that may never happen.

As with any problem or situation, we really can only focus on the now. We aren’t promised anything else and worrying about something I can’t control will not change anything.

One day at a time. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed sometimes, but we truly only have this moment right here and now. Things are always changing. Is it scary? You bet. My plan is to take care of my situation right now and deal with things as they come – whatever they may be.

What other choice do we have than to be present?

Will I compete again?

At 4:30 AM, I woke up and got ready for my show. I weighed in around 103 pounds (about 10-15 pounds lighter than I am now). I was feeling tired, depleted, hungry obviously, nervous, but really excited! Years ago, if you would have told me I was going to step on a stage in front of 100’s of people in a tiny bikini, I would have said you need to stop smoking crack. But here I was, conquering one of my biggest fears: being up in front of people and being center of attention. I used to be a really shy person. I’ve definitely come out of my shell, but this was a lot even for me. After I learned I didn’t place, I left the show feeling upset. I felt like I failed and all of the work I had done for months was a waste. After a little while and some self reflection, I realized it wasn’t a waste at all. I learned a lot about myself. I realized what I was made of and what I could accomplish, and I made some great friends. I learned that if I say I’m going to do something, I do it.

After the show I felt rather depressed. I watched the weight come back on, even though I needed to gain it back. I didn’t feel well most of the time. I missed the grind. I didn’t have that end goal anymore.

I’ve been having a lot of people ask me if I plan to compete again. I’ve been struggling with this question quite a lot. Do I think I could do it? Certainly. But I would never commit unless I know I can follow through and give it my all. I’m just not sure that fits in my life right now. Competing is a TON of work. You have to be mentally and physically prepared. I just simply don’t feel ready.

Here I am, 30 years old. I think once you hit your 30’s, at least for women, you start to evaluate where you are in life. Competing took me away from my career, my friends and my family. I put 110% into it, as you should. But for me currently, I feel as though I have some other life goals I want to accomplish before I ever consider competing again.

I want to work towards 100% self-employment. I want to build out my client base while also succeeding and learning at my current role. I want to focus on my health. My back injury still requires a lot of therapy, and I lost sight of that while competing. I just didn’t have enough time for all of the therapy. In turn, it got worse and I injured it even more.

Right now, I love experiencing life. I love food. I love lifting heavy and having energy at the gym. I love growing! I’ve always been so small, and it feels amazing to see your body grow and transform.

Do I feel some serious FOMO sometimes? Certainly. But you have to do what’s right for you. For me, unless I can completely embrace the process, it isn’t worth it and chances are I won’t place well either. I know it’s not all about placing, but I’m extremely competitive and I can’t imagine competing unless I felt as though I had a chance to place. I don’t feel like that’s the right goal to focus on for me right now.

I truly admire all of those that really embrace the process and do well with competing. I haven’t experienced holding a trophy, but I feel accomplished enough just being able to walk out on that stage. That, in and of itself, was my trophy.

How is everyone feeling in their off season? What are your opinions on competing? I’d love to hear your feedback!

My transformation…

Everyone has their own fitness journeys and stories to tell. If you’ve been training for a while, chances are you’ve gone through many different stages, trials and tribulations. I think the photo above explains this perfectly. Each photo represents a very different body, but also an incredibly different mindset. The first photo on the left was me before I started training. That’s where this all began. So, how did I get started anyway?

My weight issues started in high school. You might think of weight issues as weighing too much, but I’m here to tell you that weighing too little also comes with a whole bunch of problems. I was very sick in high school. I hid it well. I was really hard on myself and wanted to graduate on time, so instead of focusing on getting better I continued to go to school and study hard. At my worst, I weighed in around 90lbs at 5’4. I did not have an eating disorder, but I did have mono. My throat was always closed up and I had zero appetite. I just never ate. I was tiny and tired all of the time.

The photo on the left was taken in 2011. I would have been out of college for a year. My weight was 104lbs. I was stuck at 104lbs for a pretty long time. When I went to the gym, I did cardio and abs because girls got made fun of for lifting weights and having any kind of muscle. I survived off of processed food. I had no clue how to cook. My stomach hurt all the time and was bloated. I was exhausted and got sick a lot. Yes I was skinny. I looked thin and I looked like I had the ideal body, but I was living off of Lean Cuisines and Diet Mountain Dew. Shortly thereafter, it was recommended that I see a nutritionist and I decided to make a change.

I wasn’t really into it at first. The first month was the hardest. I started with an elimination diet. My food was so basic and for once in my life, I shopped for wholesome, organic and fresh foods. I had to actually cook! It was hard to stay consistent, but I stuck it out because my stomach hurt so bad. I also started a strict training regimen. I would work with a trainer 4-5 days a week. My focus was no longer on cardio, but circuit training, sprints and weight training. Within a month, I started to notice muscle growth. My stomach completely stopped hurting, and for once, I felt as though I had a goal in mind – a purpose almost.

In late 2014, I badly injured my back while training. I weighed 118lbs at the time. If you haven’t already read about my experience in my blog, in short, I injured my back due to an unknown series of birth defects in my spine and at the base of my skull. In 2016, I decided to compete in an NPC Bikini competition. I started prep at around 114lbs (muscle had been lost due to the injury). In the middle picture, I worked my way back down to 104lbs – my starting point. This kind of freaked me out in a way because I had worked so hard to build muscle. As you can see, they are completely different body types even though I weighed 104lbs in each. The difference is in body fat and composition. Mentally, I was still trying to deal with a serious injury. I had constant brain fog and struggled with my stomach issues again. I felt sick for months after my show. I also struggled mentally with putting weight back on. Competing is hard – it takes a great deal of physical strength and even more mental strength. I probably needed more time to rehab my injury and to gain more confidence in myself.

On the right is me a couple weeks ago. I’m sitting comfortably at 115-117lbs. I have put on some great muscle mass. I still prep my food twice a week, but I have become much more relaxed with enjoying food and experiences. I’ve been tiny all of my life, and I still am, but I have found the balance. BALANCE is what it’s all about. You can’t maintain the extremes. It will lead to unhappiness down the road and missed experiences.

Keep this in mind when you see skinny/lean girls, they have their struggles too. Being “skinny” does not always mean that one is “healthy”. The girls that you see with a lot of lean muscle mass might just weigh more than you do too. Weight is just a number. I hope that going into the new year, you all can focus on balance rather than the latest fad diet for quick weight loss. Focus on creating a new lifestyle, rather than an arbitrary number on the scale. And don’t beat yourself up too hard – we all go through ups and downs throughout our fitness journeys!

#stayfocused #staymotivated #yourownfitnessjourney #followyourownpath

Trust me, take the risk…

I am going to be super real, open and vulnerable with this post. It might be uncomfortable for me, but I think these things need to be said and others could benefit from my experience.

November of 2016 was one of the worst months of my life. Only those closest to me know about this, but now I plan to share it with everyone. In November of 2016, I was fired and had to go on unemployment. This was so embarrassing for me as my career has always been something I’ve excelled at.  Even when my personal life was a mess, I always had that together. It seemed almost easy for me.

In college they teach you to climb that corporate ladder. Make as much money as you can and keep moving up. That’s what success looks like. And I was great at it! I handled corporate like a pro. I learned how to excel at different projects, work with so many different types of people and show “fake” interest in any kind of subject or product. A year after college I started working at Nationwide Insurance. I spent most of my time there on the mutual funds marketing team where I managed mostly digital marketing projects. I had absolutely zero interest in our products, and yet I was licensed and was writing about things that meant nothing to me. We targeted advisors, so we were not involved in marketing to the general consumer population. I felt like I was just there to make advisors richer and richer. I felt zero connection between my work and the company’s mission. I didn’t see how my work really effected anyone in a positive way. It was just a job, and I absolutely hated it. Every morning I’d wake up and wonder, “is this really it? This is how I plan to live?” I couldn’t continue like this. One of my co-workers told me that they planned to stay with the company until retirement (for another 20 years) because of their pension and benefits. Every day this person was miserable. He told me to “get out while you can.” I really took this to heart. I had to make a positive change in my life – I could not be a corporate drone anymore.

I started to aggressively search for a career that I believed would make me happy – something more in-line with my interests and a career that had meaning. I interviewed with one company and received one offer and I took it immediately. I had to get out of there. I was so very excited for this new opportunity. It was a smaller company. The marketing team got to do all kinds of things for pets and their owners. It sounded like a blast and somewhere where I felt as though my opinions would really be valued. I felt enthusiasm for my career that I had never felt before. I started soon after the offer, and within a month, realized I made a gigantic mistake.

I was so eager to leave my current situation that I didn’t really think through the decision I was making. I didn’t do enough research. Not enough questions were asked – especially the right ones. The interviewing process wasn’t a very honest one. This company was all over the place. I didn’t fit within its culture. Its values didn’t match mine. Its leaders were not leaders after all. Three months after starting I was let go.

It’s a pretty insane feeling to lose your job – especially after feeling so comfortable and after doing so well at a company like Nationwide. I was always good at my career. I always got along with everyone. I could always take care of myself. But all of a sudden, this 28 year old woman who lives alone and is completely self-reliant has no income. Was I a true failure? How could I continue to take care of myself? When you’re thrown into a situation like this, you start to think about things differently. You just want to survive.

I had to cut back on so many things that I had become accustomed to. No more therapy. My back pain soon returned with a vengeance. I didn’t have health insurance, so no doctor visits. No more training or dieticians. I had to get rid of my Audi TT (literally my child). I started to come up with random ways to make money that I wouldn’t have pursued before. I worked events and promotions, I took on my own clients that needed help with marketing, I became a brand ambassador for an energy drink. My life was changing so drastically I often felt like I couldn’t keep up.

But there’s always a silver lining. Before I knew it I was getting paid to do things I loved, but hadn’t done in so long. I started to write for companies (nutrition and fitness companies too!), develop strategies and social marketing plans, I blogged! And got paid! I was in no way making the same money, but I was having fun and getting paid to do what made me happy all along. Never in a million years would I have left Nationwide to work for myself, but lo and behold here I was, employed by myself.

One of my clients, Natures One, a company that sells organic baby formula and other organic products for children, eventually extended an offer for full time employment and here I am! I get to communicate and work with mothers who have children with severe disabilities and health problems. My work has meaning and I am helping them in every way I can as a marketer. I get to tell their stories and experience their happiness with them. And I get to see the results of my campaigns (something I’m actually not used to). At 29, I can actually say that what I’m doing is enjoyable and has meaning. I feel valued and more confident than ever before in my career.

The point of sharing this story is this – I have had so many conversations with friends, acquaintances etc that shared the same thoughts and feelings I did when I was at Nationwide. We want more for our lives. We don’t want to feel stuck. We want to enjoy what we do and feel as though our work has purpose. You shouldn’t feel stuck before you even turn 30 years old! Leaving Nationwide was one of the scariest things I have ever done in my entire life, but it was a decision that had to be made. Now, did it blow up in my face initially? Yes. But it is all in how you handle things. You have to pick yourself back up and keep going. No one is going to give you the perfect opportunity – you have to pursue that yourself. DON’T BE AFRAID to leave a bad situation because it’s a change. Because of the unknown. If you don’t take risks you will forever feel that “stuck” feeling. It is not worth it. Take a chance. Believe that you have more to offer and you won’t stop until you find what you’re looking for. Believe that your happiness is worth it!

Of course, feel free to reach out to me if you have questions about my situation or just need to talk about yours. I genuinely want to help others find what I have.

-Devon

 

Aren’t you supposed to have this all figured out?

Eleven-thirty isn’t really the ideal time to start writing a blog post, but hey when inspiration hits, it hits. I turn 29 in just about 24 hours, and let me tell you no other birthday has made me think like this one has. I’m naturally a deep thinker. I’m one of those people that will probably pass you without saying hi because I’m thinking about something that happened five minutes ago, last month, 10 years ago, or I’m thinking about food (lets be honest, it’s probably food). At what age are we supposed to have it all figured out? What’s that magic number? Because I certainly haven’t found it yet in my almost 29 years of life. I’ve been told that that really never changes as you grow older. What I think is important is that I am questioning my path. It is better to wonder and analyze than to be complacent. Your ambition is everything.

When I was younger I was convinced that by 30 I would have an awesome career, a husband and maybe even children with a beautiful home. I thought 30-year-olds had it all figured out, but in reality, we are still learning every day about ourselves and what we want in life. Twenty-eight was a year of highs, but also very extreme lows and it has forced me, whether I am ready or not, to re-evaluate where my life is headed both professionally and personally.

Right out of college I was convinced that the faster I could progress and the more money I could make would make me a happy woman. I’ve learned that maybe being that VP, making good money, but having no time with family and friends, isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe working for yourself, finding something you are extremely passionate about, and making ok money is actually where happiness can be found.

And just because I am not married with children like many people I know does not mean I have failed. Maybe I will just take longer than the others. Maybe I am here for a different purpose. I do believe that everything works out the way it is meant to, but many seem to feel the need to rush things to hit a certain deadline put forth by society, our family, friends. What’s important is that we follow our own internal clock and that’s something I’m working on daily. I’ve heard many people explain that they are just not ready for a commitment or anything serious. They will be ready when they have A or B figured out. I’ve never really understood that. I don’t think we are ever really ready when our soulmate comes into our life, but why on earth would we want to miss that? I’ve always been open because I don’t think there will ever be a time when I’m perfectly ready and have it all figured out.

It is crazy to think about how my life has progressed. If I wouldn’t have taken that one job, met that one person, participated in that and done this, my whole life could be different. If it weren’t for my back injury, which lets face it we all know how bad that experience was, I wouldn’t have met the amazing gym family that I have today or competed in the bikini competition. Things happen and for weird and crazy reasons, but we just need to let them happen. Whether good or bad, we have to keep going and know it’s all part of our story. Make sure to stay strong through it all because you never know who might be inspired by your journey.

“If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while” – The Dash by Linda Ellis

 

Competition day!!!

April 2, 2016 – It’s the day of the competition! (My coach and I pictured above)

I know I have been a little MIA as of late, but honestly those couple weeks before the show I wouldn’t have been able to write a coherent blog post if I wanted to! Carbs and fats were really low and it was hard to focus. Water intake increased and then I was just sipping water by noon the day before the show and taking dandelion root with each meal to tighten and condition. Friday I left for Cleveland solo, which gave me a lot of time to think (and of course worry) before everything began. The night before I had to get checked in, get my number and get my first coats of spray tan. Let me tell you, the spray tan is no joke! You’re running around naked in front of other people looking like you spent wayyy too much time in the sun. That night my good friend arrived and we just laid around the hotel room chatting about what was to come.

The day of the show I woke up at 4:30 A.M., did my hair and then went to get my makeup done. I looked like a clown honestly, but it showed up well on stage! The flashier the better. I then drove over to the Cleveland Public Auditorium to start the day with a competitor meeting. The back rooms were chaotic. All of these competitors trying to freshen up, get their tans fixed from sleeping, re-apply makeup, practice posing, “pump up” etc. It was really overwhelming at first. Once some other girls and I found an area that was less crowded, we could concentrate on getting ready.

We were split into different classes based on height. I competed in both open and novice. Open is for all competitors from first timers to people who have won big shows in the past to grandmothers. Novice is for those that haven’t placed in the top in previous shows. Prior to going out on stage you wait in the pump up room. Here you must get oiled up, get your bottoms glued to your butt (no joke, you don’t want to flash anyone your goods) and use bands to pump up your muscles. Once I went into this room and claimed a spot, I looked down at the floor and saw a mass of wrappers and an energy drink just laying on the floor. It looked as though someone had had a serious moment after coming off of the stage! I definitely understood where they were coming from!

Lining up to go out on stage was very nerve wracking. You stand there for a while in your heels and watch the other girls do their routines. It’s hard to describe what it is like to be out there. When it was my turn I put my shoulders back and held my head high as I walked out. The room was lit up and you could see everyone in the audience. That didn’t help my nerves much. The judges were lined up right in front of the stage and would talk back and forth as the girls were called out into the middle of the stage. I was called out towards the end. It was so blurry I barely even remember my time on stage! My legs were shaking, but what was even worse was my cheeks! They were shaking so bad I felt like I looked like a dog with its head out the car window, jaws flapping. No joke it was hard to hold my smile for so long! I had been told to use Vaseline on my teeth, but it had worn off at that point. I felt fairly confident though. I put in a lot of work to get there, but what made it hard is that you don’t know what the judges are looking for. I brought a very conditioned package to the stage – my stomach leaned out a ton and I felt good about it. It’s awful how you tend to compare yourself to the girls next to you, but it’s hard not to. One by one I watched as other girls got called to the middle after we all did our individual posing. They will first call out the top 5 and place them in the middle of the stage, middle placing first. They move girls around and ask them to do certain poses so that they can compare them. It was really hard to see these girls get called to the middle as I stood back and held my pose and smiled. You feel as though you have to place, no one could have worked as hard as you, but in reality everyone brings their A game and it depends on what the judges are looking for.

I ended up placing 14th out of 18 in open and 7th out of 13 in novice. After I walked off stage I immediately met up with my trainer and friends from the gym. How could I not have placed? To say that I was upset was an understatement. I just didn’t get it. I felt defeated and angry. I am a very competitive person, so not being the best kills me. This trait of mine also contributed to my back injury. It can be a good trait to have, but when you don’t accomplish what you set out to do, it can be a hard hit to take. My friends talked some sense into me and gave me their honest opinions. It was my first show and most people don’t place in their first competition. There is so much to learn and it takes time to grow and make significant changes. My friend ended up bringing me a goodie bag of treats and I immediately scarfed down a protein cookie!

The show is set up so that there are two separate sessions. Pre-judging is in the morning and finals are at night. In all my day went from 4:30 A.M. to 10:30 at night. I went to lunch with my coach in between the two sessions and really struggled with what had just happened. By the time I got back to the venue and relaxed while the body builders were on stage doing their routines, it had sunk in a little more and I was able to relax. We were brought back out on stage and then they announced the winners. I just kept thinking about my post show meal! I ended up eating a big steak, potatoes and soup. I of course ate it all. I also drank half a vodka soda and that’s all I wanted.

The overall experience was a good one. I learned a lot and met many great people, yet I left Cleveland with a sour taste in my mouth. What didn’t I have? Why was i not returning home with a trophy? In all honesty, the experience after the show has been tougher than the actual show prep for me. I’ll leave that for another blog post though 😉

It’s impossible to detail the entire day, so if you’re wondering about anything like diet, routines, whatever it may be feel free to drop a comment below 🙂

 

 

 

 

5 weeks out!! Home stretch…

Hello all! It has been a little while since I have updated the blog. My excuse? I’m busy as hell. Training for a show is like taking on a second job, but instead of making extra money, I’m just spending a lot more of it! I am currently 5 weeks out from my first bikini competition (recent progress picture above with a potential suit option). My diet currently is very strict with a lower percentage of fats and carbs. Protein has also lowered a bit for the time being. This would be the cutting period that I’m sure many of you have heard referenced before. Depending on how my body responds, I will probably only continue with this for another week or so. The goal is to get my legs to lean out just a tad more. I am already seeing a ton of progress when it comes to my legs (more than I have ever seen before)!  In addition to the diet change, I am adding in fasted cardio in the mornings about 4 times a week. I am also seeing my chiropractor twice a week, getting pressure point massages once a week and meeting with my posing coach twice a week.

Currently, my body is pretty much ready to go according to my posing coach and trainer. After this next week the goal will be to maintain, which leaves me time to worry about and concentrate more on my posing. This is something that doesn’t come natural to me. Any of you that know me pretty well know I’m a total dude most of the time! I can get dressed up, but I am not the girliest girl out there. The transitions are the toughest. The movements can’t be blocky, but rather need to flow together. Coming from someone that can’t dance and has no rhythm, according to my trainer I need to step outside of my comfort zone and find my inner Beyoncé! I will certainly try!

Even though I am ahead of schedule physically, this does not mean the process hasn’t been a struggle for me. It is very difficult to stay on track with so many temptations around. I haven’t had one alcoholic beverage this year. Lately, I’ve been noticing that I tend to want to stay in on the weekends and have couch bonding time instead of going out and being around people drinking at the bars. I’m in no way judging them, but I do not want to tempt myself. People seem to be more accepting of that than the meal plan. Having to be so strict with my eating has really opened my eyes to how judgmental and unfair other people can be. I experience this the most at work where you can find a cake on just about every other floor.  The fact that I am on this meal plan really seems to bother people for some reason. I think some of it is their misunderstanding of what I am doing. Not everyone is familiar with the fitness world and many lack the general knowledge of what actually goes into preparing for a competition. My grandmother last weekend thought I had become a vegetarian because I wouldn’t eat the ham loaf she bought. I love meat! I just have to eat certain meats at certain times in certain quantities. However, the lack of knowledge still doesn’t seem to keep most people from being unfair on an almost daily basis. I’ve had someone come by my desk and literally admit they are being an “asshole” and shoved donuts in my face. They will come over and eat cookies and talk about how great they taste. They will ask if I’m still on this diet thing and they will exclude me from any lunch activities because of it, all the while making snide remarks about how I’m crazy about eating. Of course not everyone at work is like this and many try to be supportive, but for those that aren’t I’m not sure what they get out of this. Maybe it is the sheer fact that they are jealous because they know they lack the discipline to do such a thing? I don’t know. I’m not really sure why they care in the first place though? You go eat your pizza and donuts and whatever else you want to eat and I won’t care just as long as you let me eat my chicken and kale. Why must people judge others for their lifestyle choices? As long as my choices aren’t hurting you why does it matter? I know I am not the only one to go through this as I have talked to friends that have been through it as well. I would be interested in hearing your perspectives.

On a lighter note, my family has taken some time to come around and understand what all goes into this whole show prep thing. They just aren’t really familiar with the process. I in no way blame them, but I do value their support as they are the most important people in my life. After a trip to see my grandparents, where I had to pack every single meal in a large cooler, my mom gave me a giant hug and said, “I do support you in your journey Devon”. That might not seem like a big deal, but to me that meant a lot. I know my back injury scared them to death. It scared us all. They were apprehensive about me getting back into the gym and wanted me to do lower impact cardio type of training. I really appreciate them coming around and being supportive of my goals and aspirations. This process is not an easy one and as a competitor you are constantly getting judged for your diet and your consistent training. What I’ve learned is that you just have to be strong mentally. Really you need to be strong mentally before you can ever be strong physically. That is what is most important. I’m doing this for me and no one else. In the end these opinions do not matter. I’m going to keep on keepin on.

9 weeks out… starting to get real!

  
This week was really busy in general with work chaos and show prepping. It was the first week that I didn’t have to deal with a respiratory infection though. Thank goodness for antibiotics! I met my posing coach, whom is amazing I might add, and started to learn the movements for when I am on stage. Lets just say I need some work! We plan to meet twice a week to practice and see where I am at esthetically. The basic movements consist of a front and back pose and transitional poses are used in between the two required poses. It all has to flow together which will come with time and practice. The rooms were full in the gym today, so I had to learn the intial movements in front of everyone at the gym. Normally I’d be a little uncomfortable with that, but when I’m on stage I’ll be in front of hundreds of people. I might as well get used to it now! 

There are so many little things you need to learn for a show! Today I ordered my shoes (must be clear and cannot have platform heels), I booked the official hotel of the show, booked makeup, working on booking the spray tan, printed out the registration form and submitted my application for my NPC membership (my card is above). It’s so exciting to see things start to come together, although that means I’m a little too far along to back out now! 

My diet hasn’t changed much. I eat about 5 meals a day and have a 6th meal that is optional depending on how hungry I get. It mostly consists of many different types of protein (eggs, lean ground turkey, tuna or salmon and chicken of course), veggies of course (I eat a lot of kale because of the texture and spinach, green beans), some complex carbs like rice and traditional oats, and just a little bit of fruit (apple and pineapple) and avocados. The diet changes depending on when and if I go to the gym that day. Obviously I want to have a little bit of sugar from the fruit around the workout and carbs for fuel. Although my cravings haven’t been out of control, I did start to have food dreams where I would dream that I binged on candy bars/chocolate and felt such a severe feeling of guilt – wondering how I would tell my trainer. Needless to say I was happy to wake up in my bed and realize it never happened! 

I start fasted cardio in the morning to work on trimming up my legs a little bit. Wish me luck as I rarely do anything without eating breakfast first. My metabolism sure does like to remind me to eat. 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend and try to get out and be active while we are seeing the sun for a couple days!

I’m more than on the mend – 10 weeks out

As I think of where I was mentally and physically a year ago, it is very clear that I have come a long way (the picture above was from Friday at my apartment gym)! At this time in 2015 I was facing a month off of training, awaiting a diagnosis from a neurosurgeon and getting all kinds of tests for cancer and other diseases. I was in a bad place, looking into options for brain surgery. I began working with a chiropractor that focuses on fixing a damaged spine. My spine is straightening out and the muscles, ligaments and bones are healing. I still experience some pain, but for the most part it is temporary and no where near as severe as it was a year ago. As my body heals, I try to focus more on my mental strength. Anyone that has experienced chronic pain knows that you start to get used to being in pain and lose confidence when it comes to doing certain things. The fear comes back when I try to lift a barbell over my head or lift heavier weight. I continue to work on improving both mentally and physically.

A year later and I am embarking on one of the most scary and toughest fitness journeys  I’ve ever pursued. I’ve even held back in announcing this for fear that my back would somehow keep me from my goals as it has in the past. On April 2, I plan to compete in the 2016 NPC Natural Ohio Lakewood Bikini competition! I began to alter my diet a bit before Thanksgiving and more intense training started right before Christmas. It has been an emotional experience so far. I am still very limited due to my back when it comes to training legs. It just so happens that my legs never seem to grow so, needless to say, they need quite a lot of work. My trainer and I have had to get creative when it comes to building out my leg muscles while trying to preserve the progress I’ve made in being pain free. Adding a couple more days of training a week and a strong focus on legs has certainly caused some discomfort and also new issues with my tailbone as my pelvis is severely crooked, but I will keep going and alter the plan as I learn my limitations. Surprisingly, the diet plan seems to be the easiest part of prep for me. I was already prepping meals before I decided to compete, so the plan is similar to what I was doing before except my trainer decided to add additional fat, carbs and protein so that I can put on a little more mass and have better workouts. I do miss alcohol and chocolate. It is amazing what happens when you go out to the bars and order water. It really does make people uncomfortable!

This has been something that I’ve always wanted to do and I can’t think of a better time than now. It will take a long time to get my back straightened out and I don’t want that to limit me anymore. I want to see what I am capable of. This is what I have to work with and I am excited to see how far I can go!

I will continue to update this as I go so that you can see what it is like to train for your first fitness competition. I don’t know what to expect myself, but I hope to motivate others with my story.

Thanks for reading!